Blaise Tapp: I only really want to read a book with a proper story to tell

Almost everyone gets something to read in their stockings although opting for a literary gift is fraught with danger, because unless you have it from the equine’s cakehole, it’s very difficult to know if they’ll actually like what you’ve chosen for them.

There’s also the risk that you’ve already read what you’ve been given - one year, I received two copies of the grammar pedant’s bible Eats, Shoots and Leaves. The irony.

The people who know me well, know what I like and that usually means political and sporting memoirs by those who have conquered their respective fields. They also know not to get me anything by anyone who is simply famous for being on the telly.

You are not a proper celebrity unless you’ve got your name on the front of a paperback that you can pick up for less than the price of a meal deal within a year of publication. If they’ve not been ghost written by a professional, this type of tome is typically gibberish of the highest order, full of dull childhood anecdotes and lots of self aggrandising references to their amazing life journey. Or so I would imagine because, as I previously mentioned, I would rather listen to the Cheeky Girls on a loop than subject myself to even a minute of such written drivel.

I crave stories of real human achievement or books where I might learn a thing or two. As someone who has met more than his fair share of interesting folk, I’m always amazed by the fact that there are so many brilliant published books out there, which are full of stories waiting to be told.

Only last week, I met a fascinating bloke who only left prison a couple of years ago after serving a lengthy sentence. During his years inside he taught himself the art of yoga and meditation and now travels the country, helping people reach their potential. Now, there is a man with a story to tell. We all know remarkable people with a fascinating life story but, because they haven’t been interviewed by Piers Morgan, literary agents aren’t interested in what they have to say. If they were, I would be asking for their book.